Stand-Up Comedian: "You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only."
Stand-Up Comedian's Friend: "Oh yeah? You were that good?"
Stand-Up Comedian: "That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before."
This is the best weight loss diet...
If it taste good, spit it out!
A good old boy at the bar is always telling life stories. The time he spent five years here and ten years there. He’s been to many remote places like the Amazon living with natives and such. He’s been telling stories like this for years and the more he drinks the better the stories become!
I was curious as to how much time this amazing man has spent living a life others would only dream of. After adding it up, I have to admit he sure looks good for a man who has to be at least 130 years old.
While traveling north to downtown I noticed police were stopping cars going south for sobriety checks.
At the end of the night, after one too many drinks, I headed home going south and took the bus which the police waved right through.
The next morning my neighbor called me and asked, "What is that BUS doing in your driveway?"