Best Jokes

I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"

"No, sorry." says the cop.

"What about all these other cars?"

"Well, they didn't ask."

We had just finished tucking our five kids into bed when three-year-old Billy began to wail. Turns out, he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he had in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear.

Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it, and demanded, “Do it again!”

Lou: A woman fell overboard from a ship. A shark came up, looked over her and swam away.

Bud: Why did the shark do that?

Lou: Because it was a man eating shark.