Best Jokes

Once I’d finished reviewing my daughter’s homework, I gave her an impromptu quiz. “What is a group of whales called?” I asked. “I’ll give you a hint—it sounds like something you use to listen to music.”

“An iPod?” she guessed.

“Close,” I said. “But what I’m thinking of is a little smaller.”

“A Shuffle!”

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk."

"Sometimes, it’s easy to get carried away when you’re with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life."

"Don’t worry," she said. "I don’t plan on ruining my life until I get married."

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten-tickles!