Best Jokes

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.

The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

"Home Maintenance"....by Duane Pipe

"Growing up in the Balkans".....by Hugo Slavia

"Irish Winter Tales".....by Pete Moss

"Increase Your Brain Power"....by Sarah Bellum

"Looking Into the Wishing Well"....by Eileen Dover

"How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner

"Winning Big".....by Jack Potts

"Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech

"I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight

Nate walked along a highway in Nevada shouting that, "the end of the world will come soon!" As he got closer to the city he came upon a large lever in the middle of the road with a sign that said "Pull lever and the world will end!".

He just knew this would be great place to preach his message. Sure enough, the traffic stopped both ways as people were forced to stop and listen. A large truck came over the hill and, due to poor brakes, had to decide whether to hit the lever or hit Nate. He chose Nate as it would only be the end of one person as opposed to the end the world.

The truck driver was unhurt but in deep despair over the the choice he had to make. A police officer tried to console him by saying, "Look at it this way, it was better Nate than Lever."

We are interrupting our regularly scheduled jokes for today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.