Best Jokes

St. Peter was standing at the Pearly Gates one day when a man suddenly appeared before him. The man said "Let me in" but before St. Peter could say anything the man disappeared.

A few minutes later the man appeared again and said, "Let me in!" Again, before St. Peter could say anything, the man disappeared.

A few minutes later the man appeared again and said frantically, "Let me in quick!"

St. Peter said, "Are you playing games with me?"

The man said, "No! They're trying to resuscitate me!"

I was driving down the road one day when I happened to see some kids with a lemonade stand. I stopped and found they had two bowls of ice cold lemonade. One was 75 cents a glass and the other was 25 cents a glass.

I asked for the 25 cents lemonade. I drank it all down and it was delicious. I asked what the difference was between bowls because the 25 cents lemonade was terrific.

The boys looked at each other then one of them said, "We're trying to get rid of that bowl of lemonade because a cat fell into it."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations...

On a door: "Push. If that doesn't work, pull. If that doesn't work, we must be closed."

Message on a leaflet: "If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons."

Outside a photographer's studio: "Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also."

In a store: "Prices subject to change according to customer's attitude."

Next to a swimming pool: "Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no 'p' in it. Let's keep it that way."

I avoid clichés like the plague.