Best Jokes

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars!"

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

Why couldn't the police identify the dead baker?

He was a John Dough!

After my divorce at age 40, my boss, a 70 year old business owner, approached me to find out how things were going with me and my ex.

I told him it was unexpected and now that I'm going through this, I'm finding out that my brother is also getting divorced, my neighbors are getting divorced, another coworker is also getting divorced.

I said, "I don't know what's going on!"

He told me with a straight face, "You guys are all doing okay getting divorced. The people I know are dying."

Q: What do you get when you mix vodka, tomato juice, and Geritol?

A: A Tired Bloody Mary