Best Jokes

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

Man: “I had to get to work.”

Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

Man: "I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus."

The African chieftain was so religious that when he ascended to power, he forbade the killing of animals.

Not long after that the lion and cheetah population began to get out of hand. Starving in the wild, they began feeding on humans. Before long, even the antelope and zebra were so plentiful that they began nibbling on natives.

The terrified populace petitioned their leader to rescind his edict. He refused. Thus, they had no choice but to overthrow the chief.

Not only was the revolt successful, it was the first time in history that a reign was called on account of game.

After months of searching, Pat found a job in electrical engineering. Pat traveled to various locales to analyze and fix problems with his company’s equipment. Yet it frustrated him that his employer gave him little training.

One day Pat heard about some training classes coming up and asked his boss if he might attend.

“For sure,” his boss said. “I was already planning on sending you."

"You were?"

"Oh yes, who do you think is going to be teaching it?”

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When...

- You ski uphill.

- You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.

- You speed walk in your sleep.

- You answer the door before people knock.