Best Jokes

Whenever I hear the expression, "the bar is high"....

I can't help but think, "Oh great! I need a step-stool just to get a drink?"

After all the little children finished visiting Santa at the big mall, a 20 year old young lady went up and sat on Santa's knee. "I want to ask for just one thing for Christmas," she said, "and it is for my momma."

Santa replied, "I usually only answer little children, but since it is for your momma go ahead and ask me what she would like for Christmas."

"She would really, really love a handsome son-in-law."

A chef friend of mine was trying to come up with a new, unique dish for his restaurant. He took a pot of raw fish and poured alphabet soup all over it.

"What do you think?"

"If you ask me," I replied as I looked into the disgusting pot with the soggy letters swirling around, "this SPELLS disaster."

Bill: "Do you know what a satellite is?"

Phil: "Sure. It's what you put on your horse if you're going to ride him after dark."