Best Jokes

What do you feed a disappearing cat?

Evaporated milk!

I didn't make it to the gym today...

That makes 1,523 days in a row I didn't go!

A man has to take on up a sport at the advice of his doctor, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his buddy asks him how he's doing.

"It's going fine," the man says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" his friend asks enthusiastically.

"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"

I was walking down the street when I heard a skirmish down an ally. A guy was trying to take a woman’s purse. When I saw it was my ex-wife, I said a little prayer for the guy and just kept on walking.