Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'
I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.
"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked.
The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You get a really scared mailman!
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other... the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids!"