Best Jokes

Two Irishmen were talking: The first asks, "Connor, you know that guy Trump who is running for President?" Connor says, “I do Sean, I do." "Well", says Sean, "The next time he gets up to talk, I'd like to see someone throw a shoe at his head". "Now, now, you know you're not supposed to wish harm on anyone", says Connor. "Oh!” says Sean, "I'm not wishing him harm, and I just want to see Donald duck."

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
Congress!

A man who was just about to be executed was asked whether he would like to have a last smoke.
The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."

"Doctor, I have a son who thinks he's a chicken," said the man.

"Why don't you bring him in for treatment?" asked the doctor.

"We need the eggs," replied the man.