Little Susie: "What do ya want for Christmas this year, Tommy?"
Little Tommy: "A calendar."
Little Susie (surprised): "A calendar, why's that?"
Little Tommy: "'Cause last week I pretended to be sick so I could stay home from school, and then I found out it was Saturday."
What's the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
An actuary does much the same thing as an accountant but lacks the accountant's bright and vivacious personality.
Why don't worms have balls?
Because they can't dance!
What do you call the person who puts the bubbles into carbonated drinks?
A fizz-ician!