Little Johnny's father sees him crying and worriedly asks what's wrong. "Oh," Johnny sniffles. "I lost a nickel."
"There, there, son," his father says kindly. "I'll give you a nice new nickel." He then reaches into his wallet, takes out a nickel, and gives it to Johnny.
Despite his father's kindness, Johnny only cries harder. "Say, what's wrong now, son?" his father asks, very perplexed.
"Now I wish I'd said I lost a quarter!"
A man in a hunter's outfit enters a butcher's shop. "I would like to buy two undressed ducks, please."
"I'm very sorry," the butcher replies. "But I'm afraid we're fresh out of ducks. I can sell you a couple of fresh chickens instead if you like."
"Chickens!" the hunter exclaims. "I can't go home and tell my wife I bagged a couple of chickens!"
USA Today: We're Dead
The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends
Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share
Sports Illustrated: Game Over
Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour
Readers Digest: Bye
Discover Magazine: How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos?
Tv Guide: Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 lbs By Judgment Day With Our New "Armageddon" Diet!
Inc. Magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse