Customer: Waiter, Do you have any Wild Duck?
Waiter: No, but I can get a tame one and irritate it for you?
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, it's a good thing...
But if you donate five kidneys, it's a bad thing and they call the police.
“Teacher, I ain’t got no pencils,” says little Tom.
The teacher corrects him immediately saying, "The correct way to say it is, I don’t have any pencils, he doesn’t have any pencils, or they don’t have any pencils.' Do you understand?"
“But teacher..."
"Yes, Tommy?"
"What happened to all the pencils?”
When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.
She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables."