Best Jokes

A man went to his doctor to go over his blood work results. As soon as he entered the doctor's office, the doctor said to him, "I just looked at your results. You are lucky that you come to see me early enough..."

The man became very nervous and asked, "What's wrong with my blood work?"

"Oh nothing! Just that I'll be leaving my office early today," replied the doctor.

When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.

"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."

"You're right it wasn't!" Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had, the ones we got from the hotel while we were on vacation."

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A woman begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins.

She again prays, "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

So, once again, she prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help and I've always been a good servant to You. Please let me win the lottery just this one time, so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the Heavens open. She is overwhelmed by the voice of God, Himself.

He says, "Sweetheart, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."