Best Jokes

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.

"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."

You know you're having a bad day when...

Your pet rock snaps at you.

What do you call an Italian man with rubber toe?

Rubertoe!

A father texts his son: "My dear son, today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life. My best love and good wishes. Your Father."

His son texts back: "Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"

His Father replies: "I know."