Best Jokes

The flight attendant was pointing out to passengers that their seats could be removed and used as floatation devices. One woman, on her first flight, said, “I’d prefer to be sitting on a parachute!’

Two Irishmen were talking: The first asks, "Connor, you know that guy Trump who is running for President?" Connor says, “I do Sean, I do." "Well", says Sean, "The next time he gets up to talk, I'd like to see someone throw a shoe at his head". "Now, now, you know you're not supposed to wish harm on anyone", says Connor. "Oh!” says Sean, "I'm not wishing him harm, and I just want to see Donald duck."

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
Congress!

A man who was just about to be executed was asked whether he would like to have a last smoke.
The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."