Best Jokes

Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.

Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"

The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said, "Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."

Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"

"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.

"You know," Gracie said, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"

A Mitochondrion walks into a bar and asks for some energy.

The barman says: "That'll be 80p!"

My best old friend asked me, "How do you keep your marriage so fresh?"

I said, "Well for the last 30 years we've done nothing together and we get along just fine! Why do you ask?"

He replied, "My wife has kind of the same idea."

"Oh?", I said.

"Yea a Divorce!"

A farmer was coming home from a hard day’s work, tired, thirsty and almost dehydrated. He stopped at a nearby house and asked for water.

A little boy who was home alone offered him lemonade instead of water. The more he drank, the more the boy told him he could have. He asked the boy if he was sure his mother would be pleased that he drank so much.

The boy replied, “You can have as much as you want because my dog died in it.”

Shocked and angry the man lifted the pitcher intending to use it to hit the boy who then shouted, "Oh no! No! Be careful or you'll break my mother’s bedpan!”