Best Jokes

Q: Who is the opposite of a Supreme Court Justice?
A: Antonym Scalia

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced." The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces." The first man replies, "No, I just got married".

Two snails went to an auto race. There were twenty six cars, so instead of numbers the cars were identified by letters from A to Z.

As the race started, the 'S' car quickly sped away from the trailing pack of cars. Seeing this, the one snail said to the other, "Hey, look at that 'S' car go!"

“Honey,” says a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess. I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”