Best Jokes

A man stands at the bar boasting that he has a dog that is the greatest fighter of all and will beat any dog in a fight and to prove this offers a prize of a $1,000 if his dog can be beaten.

An old man sitting near by says my Terrier will beat your dog no problem!

So the man immediately sets up a fight between the two dogs.

In the ring the two dogs are thrown in and the man's dog growls and starts to bite the other dog with its massive teeth for the terrier to flick itself around and snap the neck of the dog and then devour it whole!

True to his word the man counts out the grand and hands it over saying “just what type of Terrier is that?”

The old man puts the money in his pocket and replies “a long tailed short haired snub nose Terrier or Alligator for short.”

A man called, furious about an Orlando Florida vacation package a Travel Agency had booked for him. He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room.

The Travel Agency explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said. “I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”

I forgot where the sun came up....

Then it dawned on me.

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."

"Who?"

"Dave Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single time."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Dave."

"Then how do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow."