Best Jokes

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, ''I was going to park there!''

The man was a real smart aleck and he said, ''That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”

Well this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, ''What did you do that for?''

The little old lady smiled and told him, ''That's what you can do when you're old and rich!''

Donald: I’d like to tell you a joke about the measles, but I’d better not.

Mike: Why not?

Donald: You know how those things spread.

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day.

She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.

When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey."

"Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"

My wife told me I was immature...

So I told her to get out of my pillow fort.