Best Jokes

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water, "Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."

What do you call someone who steals energy?

a Joule thief.

A boy was sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sat down next to him and said, “Eating so much chocolate isn’t good for you boy.”

The boy answered, “My grandfather died when he was 112 years old.”

The man asked, “Do you think he lived so long because he was eating lots of chocolate?”

The boy answered, “He lived so long because he minded his own business.”