Best Jokes

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

They ended in a tie.

I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com.

My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in.

My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu.