Best Jokes

Two guys sitting in a football stadium waiting for the game to start.

One turns to the other and says, “I hope the rain keeps up!”

“Oh, why?”

“So it doesn’t come down!”

I went back to my home town a decided to visit the house I grew up in.

I ask the occupants if I could come inside. They said, "No!"

My parents can be so grouchy some times.

I was halfway through a meeting with a photocopy salesman, when he suddenly mentioned his wife and children, and how content and happy he was.

I was puzzled, but let him continue. It was only when I glanced down that I understood his reason for imparting this personal information. The table leg against which I had been rubbing my itchy foot wasn’t a table leg at all.

At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date.

He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, “At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie producer.”

The woman nodded. “I’ll make a note of that: ‘has-been movie producer.'”