Best Jokes

An item for sale on craigslist....

"Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $30. [If she’s home, $100.]"

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

“Wake up, son.“

“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”

“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!"

A guy asked his friend, "What are the advantages of living in Sweden?"

His friend replied, "Well, the flag is a big plus!"

My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. "I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT's, and make more money than you," she pointed out.

"Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead," I said.

She looked mystified. "How do you figure?"

"I married better," I replied.