A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained two shells an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II.
"We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the shells in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children."
The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the ammunition safely. But when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other shell and found a hard white substance.
There was no doubt about it. They were souvenir salt and pepper shakers.
Nuts are so expensive now-a-days...
They cost you an ALM-OND a LEG!
At an election booth, a woman was applying electoral ink to her forefinger.
She asked, "How long will this last?"
The officer replied, "60 days!"
The woman asks, "Could you please color my hair as well?"