Best Jokes

At 2:15 AM a man was pulled over by the police for having a burned out tail light. The officer discovered that a dog was sitting behind the steering wheel the car and the man sitting next to him had obviously been drinking.

The officer said, "What is going on here and why is a dog in the driver’s seat?"

The man replied, "I really don't know officer, I guess he took my keys."

Dad: "What are you drinking, son?"

Son: "Soy milk."

Dad: "Hola milk, ¡soy padre!"

Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?"

"Two for a dollar," answered the vendor.

"How much is just one?" she asked.

"Sixty cents," answered the vendor.

"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldberg.

An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" asked the businessman.

"Do you want to write your will?"

"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."