Moe: "My wife converted me to religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.”
The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.”
The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.”
Always borrow money from a pessimist...
...they never expect it back!
My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.
“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”