MAN: I Have Facebook, BBM, KIK, Imo, Twitter, Google Plus, Yahoo, Tumblr, Msn, Skype, Snapchat, Instagram and G-Talk
FRIEND: Buddy, do you have a life?
AKPOS: OMG! No I don't! Send me the link to download it.
"Daddy," said my 10-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army."
"Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you."
"But I don’t want to be a pilot."
"You don’t have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force."
Her answer: "I don’t want to be a flight attendant either."
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints!"
How do fleas travel?
They itch-hike.
What insect stays healthy all the time?
Vitamin Bee.
What do bugs use to add things in school?
Moth-matics.
What do you call an insect that smells nice?
A deodor-ant.