Best Jokes
Favorite this joke "Did you ever pause and think about the opportunities you missed?"
"Nah, It would be just my luck to miss some more while I was reflecting."
A man is convinced he has telekinesis. A group of scientists finally agree to test his claim. The man is placed in a room with a cup on an edge of a table. The scientists tell the man to knock the cup off the table using the telekinesis. The man stares with complete and utter focus but with no results.
For weeks the experiment continues, the man sits there staring at the cup with relentless ferocity but nothing happens. Suddenly, without warning, an earthquake strikes, shaking the table and causing the cup to slide off and come crashing down onto the floor. At that, the man turns to the scientists with a smile and says, “See!”
The scientists say, “Yeah, but you didn’t cause the cup to fall, the earthquake did.”
The man says, ”What do you think caused the earthquake?”
Seeing a spider is not a problem...
The problem comes when it disappears!
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found.
As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
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