Did you hear about the turtle being shot at in the army?
He was SHELL shocked!
When walking into a casino, you are handed a sucker...
Are they trying to tell you something?
My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."
"It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive."
"OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"
I said, "David!"
Remember when everyone had diaries and got mad when someone read them?
Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when they don't!