Latest Jokes

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years.

"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

Arriving home from work last night I saw that my son and daughter sat in silence. I asked what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong, daddy," my daughter replied. "We're playing a game."

"What's the game?" I asked.

"Marriage," my son sighed.

My television set broke so I was forced to rely on the lost art of conversation with the wife at dinner...

"Have you seen the iPad, love?"

What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please!"