A Police Officer was questioning a young man who's smart car got stuck between the concrete walls of a pedestrian stairway.
When the police officer had asked him what he was thinking at that moment, his response was, "I was instructed by my Uber App to take a sharp left."
Why did the farmer plough his field with a steam roller?
Because he wanted to grow mashed potatoes.
Young Actor: "Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years."
Father: "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."
Why did the spider cross the road?
Because it wanted to go to his web-site.