A guy walks into a bar.
He steps on an ant.
Then his uncle comes in.
I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that...
After all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.
We all get heavier as we grow older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So, I am not heavy...
I am just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold anymore, so it started filling up the rest of me.
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."
The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded.
Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."