What has two arms but can't raise them?
A chair.
All parents are proud of overachieving children, and one father was no exception...
The bumper sticker on his car read "My Kid Made Your License Plate".
Why do artists constantly feel cold?
Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet ... nobody was ever married!
Here are the single people that come to mind: Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou and Clara.
In fact, the only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!