Today I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock.
A woman posts her profile on a dating app. Two days later, she gets a message back, saying, "I would love to meet you, but I need to tell you that I am eight feet tall, covered in long, mangy fur riddled with fleas, and have glowing yellow eyes, razor sharp claws and long, drooly fangs. If you are still interested in meeting me, I'll be sitting on a bench in Central Park at five o'clock this afternoon."
The woman replies, "I would love to meet you, but could you please wear a red rose and some French cologne so I can recognize you?"
A fellow with a very sore shoulder went to his doctor for a consultation.
"It looks like it's just inflamed," the doctor said as he looked at the x-rays. "A cortisone shot would likely calm done the pain for a while."
"But will it hurt?" the patient asked.
The doctor's responded, "I've given hundreds of these shots, and I've never felt a thing."