If you’re feeling down, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Why don't worms have balls?
Because they can't dance!
Tried to read the dictionary in bed last night.
Didn't finish it.
Got up to 'P'.
My wife packed my bags and told me to leave.
As I was headed out the door, she said, "I hope you live a long and lonely life!”
I replied, "So now you want me to stay?"