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Favorite this joke I called my mother from the apartment. When she answered the phone, I could hear a noise behind her that sounded like a jet plane taking off. I asked, "Mother, what's that horrible noise?"
She replied, "It's the dishwasher.... your father fixed it."
I went to the doctor the other day and complained about my sore feet.
He said: “Gout!”
I said: “But I’ve only just walked in!”
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt.
On one side it said, "Families are Forever."
And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start."
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year...and you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "Didn't I mention? We deliver anywhere..."
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