I think there's something wrong with my girlfriend.
She's hallucinating.
She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
Retired...
Under new management...
See spouse for details!
What's the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
An actuary does much the same thing as an accountant but lacks the accountant's bright and vivacious personality.
On a boat...
Captain (boasting): This boat makes twenty knots an hour!
Passenger: How long does it take the crew to untie them?