Latest Jokes

Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall. He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.

A few days later, he did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.

"Why not tell her it was me this time?" I suggested.

"Maybe I will," he said while dialing. "It worked the last time."

On my birthday I was cutting the lawn when my teenage son came home from a baseball game. Seeing me behind the mower, he exclaimed, "Oh, Dad, you shouldn't have to mow the lawn on your birthday."

Touched, I was about to turn the mower over to him when he added, "You should wait until tomorrow!"

A hog farmer decided to give names to his new piglets. Two of them were always getting into mischief.

His wife asked what names he was giving this pair.

He answered sharply, "Hamfull and Mayham!"

10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up two sizes, that would've fit.

9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.

7. Well, well, well...

6. I really don't deserve this.

5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.