A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out a variety of condoms before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man. "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.”
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
It must be almost Christmas....
.... because I just saw Easter eggs for sale.