A man was walking through the grounds of a university one morning when he noticed a young blind woman struggling with her Guide-Dog. The animal was resolutely pulling in one direction, she in another.
When he offered assistance, the woman replied, "No thanks, this is a family argument. The dog knows I'm supposed to go to a lecture right now -- but I want to miss it."
Lou: A woman fell overboard from a ship. A shark came up, looked over her and swam away.
Bud: Why did the shark do that?
Lou: Because it was a man eating shark.
Harold: Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge is not dangerous.
Morris: How can you say that?
Harold: It’s s fact. Jumping off is not dangerous—it’s the sudden stop at the end that is.
Al: I got fired from my job as a bank guard.
Sam: What happened?
Al: A thief came into the bank. I drew the weapon and told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.
Sam: What did he do then?
Al: He took one more step, so I let him have it. Who wanted that stupid old gun, anyway?