My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
Aviator: First one wing came off and then the other.
Listener: What did you do?
Aviator: I grabbed a drumstick and had a second helping.
What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Two Martians landed on a corner traffic light.
“I saw her first,” one said.
“So what?” the other Martian replied. “I’m the one she winked at.”