An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought.
Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this?
Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.
Why are ghosts bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them.
"And you say you were in the town where I was born?" she murmured softly.
"Yes," he replied.
"And you thought of me, Bob?" she cooed.
"I did," replied Bob. "I said to myself, 'Why, isn't this where what's-her-name born?'"