Latest Jokes

A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained two shells an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II.

"We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the shells in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children."

The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the ammunition safely. But when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other shell and found a hard white substance.

There was no doubt about it. They were souvenir salt and pepper shakers.

A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...

Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!

I've seen plenty of batting slumps," the manager told one of his coaches. "But I've never had a whole lineup in a slump before."

The team had lost 10 of its last 20 games, scoring only eight runs during that whole stretch. The best they'd done was four hits in a game.

"We have to try something different," the manager said to his batting coach.

"What do you have in mind?" the batting coach asked warily.

"I'm going into the batting cage myself," the manager said.

The coach tried to talk him out of it. But the manager was desperate, willing to try anything.

With the whole team watching, the coach swung at the first pitch and missed. He missed the second pitch. Ditto the third, fourth, and fifth. On the sixth pitch, he just nicked the ball, which dribbled back to the pitcher's mound.

The manager slammed his bat to the ground, turned around, and stared at his players. "That's how you guys look at the plate!" he yelled. "Now get up there and HIT the ball!"

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on...

After the seventh order, the bartender stops and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits!”