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Favorite this joke Shortly after reporting to the 101st Airborne Division, we were ordered to fall out in our dress uniforms. Only problem was, I didn't know how to tie a necktie. So I asked the guy in the next bunk for help.
"Sure," he said. "Lie down."
Confused, I lay down on the bunk and he tied my tie. "Sorry, but this is the only way I know how," he said. "Comes from practicing on my father's clients."
"What does your father do?"
"He's a mortician."
Mr. Maxey was visiting his lawyer to discuss how unreasonable his wife was being.
Lawyer: "What were you and your wife fighting about this time?"
Mr. Maxey: "I pointed out that she was trying to drive a nail in the wall with a hair brush. Is this any reason to get mad?"
Lawyer: "Is that all you said?"
Mr. Maxey: "Well, I just suggested that she would have better luck using her head."
I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow. One day my daughter called home from college, and I announced to her, "I think it's time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried."
"It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence. "Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?"
When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."
A man went into a discount store and asked the woman cashier if everything in the shop was $1.
“That’s right,” she said. “Every item in the store.”
So he gave her a dollar and asked for the cash register.
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