Steve met the family doctor on the street.
"I hear your wife has gone to Palm Beach for her health," began the doctor. "What did she have?"
"Eight hundred dollars her father gave her," answered Steve.
"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."
Husband to stepford wife: "There are times we must save money and make every nickel count!"
Wife: "That's the reason I bought three loaves of bread today."
Husband: "Three loaves of bread? I haven't seen anything in the news where there has been a raise in bread."
Wife: "I don't know anything about the news, but I saw a sign in the window that sure did say it."
Husband: "What did the sign say?"
Wife: "It said: Raisin bread tomorrow."
Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray.
"O Lord," he prayed, “I've broken most of thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise never again...”
"Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Don't go too far, I think I see a sail!”