The Phone Rings….

(Mother) Hello
(Daughter) Hi Mom!

(Mother) Honey, I haven’t head from you in months, is everything OK?
(Daughter) I just wanted to let you know I’m in my 3rd trimester.

(Mother) You’re PREGNANT?!?!
(Daughter) Nooooo! I went off to college remember?

My brain travels at the speed of light...

One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.

I met a Black Jack dealer and asked if she had any advice...

She said, "Yeah, don’t play!"

I told my wife I wished she’d come with directions. She said this is a first, as I’ve never heard you ask for directions before.

She also said not to worry that she "did" come with directions and has been giving them to me since the day we met.