What's the first symptom a computer is getting old?

Memory problems.

Dad: You're telling me your entire class got an A in philosophy? How?

Son: We proved the professor didn't exist. What could she do?

If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Al: What kind of woman did you marry?

Sam: She's an angel, that's what she is.

Al: Boy, you sure are lucky. Mine's still living.