Photographer to young man: "It will make a much better picture if you put your hand on your father's shoulder."

Father: "It would be much more realistic if he had his hand in my pocket."

When I was a little boy, I used to be afraid of the dark...

Now as an adult, I see the electric bill and I'm afraid of the light!

Did you hear about the idiotic karate champion who joined the army?

The first time he saluted, he knocked himself out.